Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
