just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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