His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
