Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
