drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
