If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
