I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
