Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
