I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
