Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
