Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
