apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
