I met the friendliest cop last night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
