if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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