i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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