if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
where are you?
Hypothermia
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
