So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
