my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
