Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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