I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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