my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
