Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
