tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It all started with a game of naked twister.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
