found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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