there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
