No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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