I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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