i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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