Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
