i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't turn off my feet"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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