Plan B is the new Plan A
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
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