How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
