For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
