i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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