it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
