in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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