I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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