Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
