She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
