It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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