Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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