If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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