i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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