It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
