She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
