i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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