apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I touched a dick in church today
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
