If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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