sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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