She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I cockslap morals
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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