Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what day is it and did you see me today?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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