Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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