He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
