people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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