You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
