i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
