Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
